


what he deserves

by rinthegreat



Series: Established Shance in a "Canon"verse [11]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Canon Temporary Character Death, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, M/M, Season 6 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 18:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14982638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinthegreat/pseuds/rinthegreat
Summary: MAJOR SEASON 6 SPOILERS AHEAD:Lance learns the truth about Shiro.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello, bet you thought I'd forgotten this series huh? Nope! Life has been a bit [hard](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/post/174999410357/fic-announcements) lately so I haven't had a chance to write more Shance. I still have some season 5 moments I want to fill in, but as of right now this is the marker between canon-compliant and canon-divergent in this "established shance in canon" series. I will be re-naming the series so as to not mislead people into thinking I'm going to try and keep this compliant. Also, as with all previous fics in here: Lance's crush on Allura is ignored completely. I'm not going to address that at all because it would break the universe I made.
> 
> I edited this a few times but I'm still not happy with the beginning, so I might go back and change that later. Otherwise, enjoy the pain! <3

Lance knows it’s over the minute Shiro collapses in on himself. Really, he suspects it’s been over long for a long time, but they’ve both been putting off the inevitable. This, though, this feels like it truly is over.

Shiro meets his gaze once, body doubled over as if he’s in pain, and even though Lance wants nothing more than to help him, he knows he’s needed elsewhere. After all, they have bigger fish to fry than his and Shiro’s failing relationship.

Namely: Lotor.

So he puts Hunk in charge of Shiro, preparing himself to have Allura’s back while they do…whatever it is they plan to do with Lotor. That’s, of course, when their plan is blown to smithereens.

Coran lets out a shout as Hunk smashes into him, tossed by Shiro himself.

“Shiro,” Lance starts, “what are you –“ his question is cut off by a punch straight to his jaw that sends him flying backwards. Shiro punched him. Shiro _punched him_.

Everything moves quickly after that.

Lance doesn’t have time to focus on Shiro, not when he’s too busy fighting for his life and the fate of the universe. Worry thrums in the back of his mind, a constant pulse the way it always is whenever Shiro’s in danger, but he pushes it down. Right now they have a battle to fight.

For a while, Lance doesn’t think any of them will make it out alive. They’ve been in some tight pinches before but this one seems even worse. So when the battle ends and they land on an asteroid, he breathes for the first time in an eternity. And it all comes rushing to the forefront.

_The Shiro that took Lotor was a clone._

Shiro had known something was wrong. Rather, clone Shiro had. He’d tried talking to Lance more than once, but Lance had brushed off his worries like they were nothing. He told Shiro – no not Shiro, Clone Shiro – that he needed to learn to trust himself again. Hell, it’s Lance’s fault the imposter flew Black at all.

He’d been really stupid in retrospect. He’d been so caught up in the fact that they’d found Shiro that he hadn’t bothered to question how easy it had been in the first place. Looking back, it’s so obvious that saving Shiro had been a trap.

Lance is useless, unable to do anything but stare at Shiro’s – at the clone’s – body as Keith lays him down. And when Keith tells them that Shiro’s soul had been trapped in the black lion, it’s too much.

“He – he tried to tell me, but I didn’t realize.” Lance rushes to Shiro, collapsing at his side. “I’m so sorry, Shiro. I didn’t know. I could’ve…”

Allura cuts him off with a gentle hand to his shoulder. He stares at her, watching as she does something amazing. Lance doesn’t understand it, doesn’t question how it’s possible, but that man, the man with stark white hair who sits up like he’d been electrocuted…

That’s the real Shiro.

Lance should be happy. He _should_ , really. Shiro’s alive; he’s finally back with them after all this time. But as Shiro blinks sleepily at them all, collapsed against Keith, Lance feels nothing but emptiness. He lets their voices wash over him, staring unseeingly at the original white lock of Shiro’s hair. He doesn’t care what happens now.

They have no home anymore; the castle’s been destroyed. There’s talk of going back to Earth, but there are no guarantees that Pidge’s dad has reached there yet. They argue over Lance’s head, but Lance is too tired to participate.

He ignores them as they fight, only turning his attention back when they declare their plan: they’re going to the Olkari. They spout their reasons, but Lance doesn’t bother listening. He doesn’t agree, but he doesn’t disagree either. He doesn’t know which way Earth is, and he’s not sure the red lion could get him there alone even if he did.

Olkarion sounds as good as anything else.

The red lion follows the others sluggishly, her worry palpable in the cockpit. She’s been worried about him since Keith disappeared into that wormhole to rescue Shiro, and now that they’re no longer in immediate peril, she lets her concern be known. In some ways, she’s become more _his_ lion than Blue had been. Over the past few months, he and Red had grown closer than before. Lance doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but he doesn’t feel like he’s flying Keith’s lion anymore when he flies her.

He tries to assuage her, but Red knows better, and Lance can’t bring himself to keep up a façade. Saving the universe should’ve left him with a sense of satisfaction, but he’s just…empty. Listless.

He lost his boyfriend today. Well, no, that’s not right. He’d lost his boyfriend during the fight with Zarkon. Shiro had _died_ and Lance had slept with his imposter clone instead.

Oh fuck.

He slept with the clone.

Suddenly, Lance doesn’t feel so great. He’d forgotten about that little fact. He’d been sleeping with Shiro’s clone for…he doesn’t even want to think about how long, and Shiro had been dead. So that is just fucking perfect. Cherry on top of the ideal fuck up that is his life.

Maybe Shiro won’t know about it. Maybe the clone’s memories aren’t left in its body, so Shiro won’t know about anything that happened while he was dead. Though, Lance reminds himself, it’s not like Shiro’s gonna want him back anyway. After all, Keith was the one who saved him, not Lance. Keith and Allura. All Lance did was encourage his imposter clone to completely take Shiro’s place.

Lance is absolutely positive their relationship is over.

He makes a break for it as soon as they land. The Olkari already have places for them to stay, so as soon as he brings Kaltenecker out from the red lion’s cockpit, he takes them up on that offer.

“Say,” he asks the Olkari leading him to his room, “which one is the furthest away from everything?” They give him a strange look, so he expands. “It’s been…a long day, and I could use a break from the crowds.”

Whether they believe him or not, they don’t say, but they do at least lead him down a side hallway, away from where he suspects the others are staying.

“Thanks,” he says as soon as they arrive.

The Olkari gazes at him a moment before speaking in a high, feminine voice, “Voltron saved our lives. This is nothing.”

Lance stares at their back as they leave him alone in his room at last.

\---

Voltron, as it turns out, isn’t needed immediately. Lance doesn’t know if that’s because no one’s contacted them or because they don’t have a good way to travel between worlds yet. He could find out; he could easily seek out the others and ask. But instead he does his best to avoid them.

He runs into Hunk once or twice as he slips into the kitchen for food. Hunk talks to him for a little bit before rushing off to do…whatever it is he’s doing. Sometimes Lance sees Pidge with him, deep circles under her eyes as she mumbles incoherently. Usually, Matt finds her and half-drags, half-carries her away.

Allura seems to be avoiding the others the same way Lance is. When it becomes clear that staying in the city increases his chance of seeing the other paladins or Olkari who want to thank him for his services, he wanders into the forest instead. In there he sees Allura, walking as aimlessly as he is or sitting on a log, staring at the trees as if she’s looking beyond the branches. If she notices Lance, she doesn’t seek him out, and for that he’s grateful.

He manages to avoid a certain person for over a week before his luck runs out.

“Lance.”

Lance almost jumps out of his skin when Keith’s voice breaks through the peaceful breeze. He spins around, seeing the former red paladin standing in front of him. Looking up at Keith is disconcerting. Lance doesn’t know when he finally hit his growth spurt, but something about it makes him bristle.

“H-hey, Keith,” Lance replies, voice cracking on the first word. When was the last time he’d spoken?

“You avoiding us?” Keith asks, cutting straight to the chase.

“I’m not avoiding you,” Lance argues, staring at the grass off to Keith’s left. It’s not exactly a lie. He isn’t avoiding Keith, not exactly. He’s avoiding the person who is always with Keith these days, though he doesn’t seem anywhere to be found.

“Right,” Keith says, not sounding convinced. “Course you’re not.”

Lance closes his eyes, letting out a deep breath. Arguing with Keith isn’t going to get him anywhere. “What do you want, Keith?” he asks.

Keith shrugs. “Nothing. I was just passing through.” And to Lance’s surprise, he turns and leaves.

Lance stands there and stares at the space Keith had just stood, not sure if he hallucinated it or not before turning back in the direction he’d been walking before. And immediately stops short.

There, leaning against the tree in front of him, is the person Lance had been trying to avoid.

“Hey,” Shiro greets softly. He looks noticeably less tired than he had any time in Lance’s recent memory, even though his hair is now completely white.

_I’ll always want you, Shiro. Even when your hair is longer and whiter than Allura’s._

Lance clenches his fist and looks away. “Hey.”

“Haven’t seen you around for a while,” Shiro says, voice still soft and gentle.

Lance shrugs, aiming for nonchalance. “I’ve been…busy.” It’s such an obvious lie that Lance flinches, but Shiro doesn’t call him out on it.

“I missed you.”

Lance grunts, biting the inside of his lip to keep himself from speaking. The truth is that he’s missed Shiro too. But the truth also is that he doesn’t _get_ to miss Shiro anymore. He lost that privilege the minute he let the clone climb into his bed. So he’s going to stand here and get dumped properly without throwing a fit.

“I know this must’ve been a shock for everyone. Especially you,” Shiro continues. Lance snorts. ‘Shock’ is an understatement if he’s ever heard one. “I don’t think it’s possible to start over, but if you’re willing, I’d like to pick up where we left off.”

At that, Lance blinks, meeting Shiro’s eyes once again. “Where we left off?” He’s positive he’s heard wrong. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Shiro pushes off the tree and takes a few steps towards him. Lance stares, frozen in place. “We were dating when I…disappeared into the black lion.”

“What,” Lance deadpans, still positive that he’s mishearing something.

“I want to get back together with you,” Shiro clarifies, stopping an arm’s reach away from Lance.

Lance shakes his head. “No, see, you don’t.”

“Of course I do.”

“You don’t!” Lance shouts, sending a few birds flying away. He pauses for breath after that, nearly panting from a single yell. “You don’t,” he repeats quieter. “I…I did something bad while you were gone.”

“I don’t –“

“Let me finish.” Shiro shuts up. “It’s not a good enough excuse, but I didn’t know he wasn’t you, and I encouraged him to take your place. I told him that if he just trusted himself then he could fly Black again, and he did. He took your place because of me, Shiro. It’s my fault we believed him in the first place. And…” he swallows, but he can’t go any longer keeping his greatest sin to himself. “I…uh…slept…with him.” His voice trails off as he makes the confession, hoping that Shiro won’t hear him.

No such luck. “Yeah, I know.”

Lance blinks. “You know?”

“I was trapped inside the black lion, remember?”

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but when they do Lance turns a shade of crimson that would make his lion jealous. “You saw that?” he asks, voice soft.

“I saw that,” Shiro confirms.

“Fuck,” Lance whispers, sidestepping. He’d thought it couldn’t get worse, but it could. It really could. Shiro had been there while Lance was _moaning his name in the arms of his imposter_. “Fuck,” he repeats louder. He wants to crawl out of his skin and bury himself in the dirt beneath this tree.

“Hey.” Shiro’s arm wraps around his wrist. “You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lance insists, trying to shake his hand free. Shiro doesn’t let him go. He maintains his hold until Lance is forced to turn and come face-to-face with him. “It’s not a good enough reason. I betrayed you.”

“You didn’t know,” Shiro repeats calmly.

“You tried to warn me!” Lance argues. “When we were in Voltron. You tried to tell me, and I –“

Shiro cuts him off, pulling Lance into his chest in a spine-crushing hug. “It doesn’t matter,” Shiro says. “You didn’t know, and I can’t blame you for trying to help me.”

Lance wants to scream, cry, beat Shiro’s chest until he understands that he can’t be forgiven for this. That he fell for the imposter’s tricks and wasn’t able to save Shiro, even when he had more clues than anyone else. Instead, he goes boneless in Shiro’s grasp, surrounded by the smell and feel of the man he’d thought he’d never be able to have again.

“Don’t avoid me anymore,” Shiro murmurs, his lips pressing against Lance’s skull.

Lance nods. It’s the least he can do. If this is what Shiro wants, if Shiro _knows_ and still wants him, then Lance isn’t strong enough to push him away again. Lance will stay with him for as long as Shiro wants, and he’ll try and earn his place there every day. After all, Shiro may have forgiven him, but he still hasn’t forgiven himself.

“Okay,” Lance promises. “I won’t avoid you anymore.” He’ll make this better, no matter what it takes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was never going to have a chapter 2 but then i opened a blank word doc and 1600 words later...here we are. i hope you enjoy! i will go back and fill in some season 5/6 scenes later.

The worst part is that Shiro remembers. He remembers everything.

Every morning when he sits up, he has to close his eyes against the two sets of memories warring in his brain. They make it too difficult for him to grasp onto reality; to remember where he is and how he got here. The most difficult memories, of course, are those from when the clone flew Black. He’d been present all those times, and his mind clouds from two distinctly separate – yet somewhat similar – perspectives on the same event.

The memories come back to him in his dreams when his conscious mind shuts down. Memories of recruitment shows and roleplaying games and decisions he’d felt were right at the time which ended up proving wrong in the end. Memories of battles and lips on skin and Lance. Always Lance.

It’s disorienting when he wakes up every morning and Lance isn’t by his side. He reaches over before he remembers, but his hand slams the edge of the cold bed painfully. The bed feels too big, even though it’s the same small twin size that he’d grown used to in the castle ship.

What he’d really grown used to had been sleeping on half a mattress with Lance’s long limbs sprawled over his own.

Lance is avoiding him. No, that’s not fair. Lance is avoiding all of them, the same way Allura is. Shiro’s seen it, Keith’s seen it, he’s sure Hunk and Pidge and Coran have seen it too. In a way they’re all avoiding something, so they leave each other to it for now. The universe isn’t in immediate need of saving, after all.

He just wishes Lance would stop avoiding him.

Every morning he wakes up, confused and alone. He lays in bed, sorting through his memories until Keith knocks on his door. Keith always knocks on his door. Shiro knows Keith’s afraid he’s going to disappear again. If Keith hadn’t matured on the whale planet, he’d probably insist on staying the night too.

Neither of them are knowledgeable enough about technology to help with the new ship, so the best they can do is stay out of the way. They develop a similar routine to the one they’d had in their early days on the castle ship. Keith knocks on his door and Shiro pulls himself out of bed so they can train. They train until one or both of them remember that they need to eat. Then they shower and eat and take a walk where Keith tells stories about his time with the Blade. Surprisingly, he never pressures Shiro to talk about his death.

The days seem almost never ending, but the dreams don’t go away and it doesn’t get easier either. He still expects Lance to be there every morning, and Lance still isn’t there.

“You miss him,” Keith remarks on one of their walks when Shiro doesn’t look away from Lance’s retreating back fast enough.

Shiro rips his eyes away from the woods, feeling bad that he’d all but ignored the last few minutes of Keith’s story. It had been a good one; Keith and the Blade had been trying to destroy the Galra Empire at the same time that Shiro had been trying to help Lotor ascend to the throne. He wants to hear Keith’s side of that story, wants to round it out until it makes sense, but he can’t seem to pull his attention away from the forest Lance had disappeared into.

“Lance,” Keith clarifies when Shiro doesn’t answer. “You miss him.”

Shiro doesn’t try to deny it. There’s really no use, especially not to Keith. _You’re my brother. I love you._ He can’t lie to his brother. He doesn’t want to.

“Bed’s too empty without him,” Shiro admits. Keith cringes, so Shiro doesn’t give any more details than that. “I miss him.”

Keith sets his jaw, proving that he’s still the same stubborn kid Shiro stood up for all those years ago. “Then let’s go get him back.” He doesn’t give Shiro a chance to think about it before grabbing his hand and dragging him into the woods after Lance.

Lance isn’t hard to find. He’s standing a short ways into the woods, staring unseeingly at the trees in front of him. He’s sure that Lance would bolt as soon as he sees him, so Shiro whispers to Keith, “Distract him for me.”

Keith nods, and Shiro disappears before Keith starts speaking. “Lance,” Keith says, and Lance jumps before spinning around.

“H-hey, Keith,” Lance replies, voice cracking.

“You avoiding us?” Keith asks. Shiro uses the chance to move behind Lance’s back to the tree he’d been staring at.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Right. Course you’re not.” Keith frowns, obviously not convinced. Shiro can see concern in the way Keith’s looking at Lance even from where he’s standing. That worries him; Lance must not look so great.

“What do you want, Keith?” Lance sounds exhausted, emotionless. Not at all like his old self.

Keith glances at Shiro, wordlessly asking if he’s ready. Shiro leans against the tree, aiming for casual before giving a nod. He’s not sure he’s pulling off ‘casual’. His shaking hands certainly don’t seem to have gotten the message.

Keith narrows his eyes minutely before shrugging. “Nothing. I was just passing through.” With one last glance, he turns and leaves.

For a moment, Shiro thinks he’s going to have to say something to draw Lance’s attention, because Lance stays completely still. But then he turns and finally sees Shiro, stopping short. He looks just about as bad as Shiro feels.

“Hey,” he starts softly. Part of him is still concerned Lance is going to bolt.

Instead, Lance just avoids eye contact. “Hey,” he replies, voice rough.

“Haven’t seen you around for a while,” Shiro continues gently. He’s not accusing Lance of anything here. It’s certainly not Lance’s fault that Shiro’s bed is empty. Well, it is partially Lance’s fault. After all, it wouldn’t be empty if he were there.

But Shiro knows exactly why Lance hasn’t come to him.

“I’ve been…busy.” Lance’s excuse is paper thin, an obvious lie, but Shiro doesn’t blame him for it.

“I missed you,” Shiro confesses. His only response is a grunt so he continues. “I know this must’ve been a shock for everyone. Especially you.” Lance snorts but doesn’t speak. “I don’t think it’s possible to start over,” Shiro presses, “but if you’re willing, I’d like to pick up where we left off.”

Finally, Lance meets his eyes again. “Where we left off? What do you mean?”

“Well,” Shiro pushes off the tree and walks towards him, “We were dating when I…” he struggles for the right word, “disappeared into the black lion.”

“What.”

“I want to get back together with you.” Unless he says it plainly, Lance will continue to misunderstand forever.

Instead of looking pleased, Lance shakes his head. “No, see, you don’t.”

“Of course I do,” Shiro insists.

“You don’t!” Lance shouts. Birds shoot off from the trees around them, flying away. “You don’t,” Lance repeats in a quieter voice. “I…I did something bad while you were gone.”

“I don’t –“

“Let me finish,” Lance interrupts. “It’s not a good enough excuse, but I didn’t know he wasn’t you, and I encouraged him to take your place. I told him that if he just trusted himself then he could fly Black again, and he did.” Shiro remembers this, remembers Lance soothing his concerns.

_Do you really think the head of Voltron would trust himself to be piloted by someone who can’t even trust themself?_

“He took your place because of me, Shiro. It’s my fault we believed him in the first place. And…” Lance struggles for a moment, and Shiro knows what comes next, even before Lance says it. “I…uh…slept…with him,” he admits quietly, as if he’s afraid Shiro is going to shout at him for it.

He’d been hoping that this part would come later, but Shiro’s dreams are always fresh on his mind. Flesh on flesh, Lance moaning his name, back on his sheets. Or in this case: on the floor in the black lion cockpit. He’d seen that one from the clone’s perspective last night. He has his own memories of that time; his consciousness had been trapped right there with them inside Black’s cockpit. Those memories don’t sit so well with the new ones he gained from the clone.

“Yeah,” Shiro allows. “I know.”

Lance blinks at him, clearly not having expected that answer. “You know?”

“I was trapped inside the black lion, remember?”

Lance pauses, his skin flushing as the realization hits him. The guilt runs deep already. “You saw that?” Lance asks almost pathetically.

“I saw that.”

“Fuck,” Lance whispers. He starts pacing, not seeming aware of his own actions. “Fuck.”

Shiro steps forward, grabbing Lance’s wrist before he can run away. “Hey. You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Lance tries to shake free, but Shiro refuses to let him go. He has one shot at this. Only one. “It’s not a good enough reason,” Lance argues. “I betrayed you.”

“You didn’t know.” It’s important that Lance realize this. That he understand how much it means to Shiro that Lance tried to help him. Lance trusted him more than anything, and even though he’d been wrong in the end, he’d only been trying to help.

“You tried to warn me! When we were in Voltron. You tried to tell me, and I –“

Shiro tugs Lance into his chest, holding him tight. “It doesn’t matter. You didn’t know, and I can’t blame you for trying to help me.”

Finally, Lance melts into his grasp the way he always used to, and Shiro knows he’s succeeded. “Don’t avoid me anymore,” he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Lance’s hair. He can’t bear it if Lance continues to avoid him. It might be too soon to pull him back into bed again, but Shiro at least wants to be able to wake up in the morning and know that he can seek him out.

“Okay,” Lance promises. “I won’t avoid you anymore.” And Shiro believes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/rinthegreat_ao3)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/rinthegreat_ao3) and feel free to leave me an ask/comment/PM about which scenes you want to see shance-i-fied!


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